Rationalising

Rationalising

Andromeda fan fiction… definitely not for kids.
It was colder than hell . The Maru had crashed down over two weeks ago, on some dirtball uninhabited world in the middle of nowhere, and still no sign of the Andromeda. Beka was past being angry at the old rust-bucket, and was quietly starting to get scared. Not that she’d ever let Tyr see that. But they’d reached the end of the rations, the Maru was good for nothing but the most basic level of life support, and two weeks of Tyr planning how to best eviscerate Harper when he found him…

Not that she blamed him. Harper had been skipping the routine maintenance again, leaving little notes to remind himself to repair the power cells and what not. And that was why they crashed. One of the main power relays had blown when she’d tried to lose a stray Drago Kazov- fighter. Fortunately for them the fighter ran into the mines she’d dropped, but the resulting explosion had fried just about every other system on the ship, and they’d been lucky to reach wherever this was. Breathable atmosphere (hah), some rat-like things and insects, and a hideously unstable orbit around a binary dwarf star system. Probably why there where no colonies. A planet gets ripped apart by tidal quakes every few years and folks just don’t wanna know.

“What are you doing out here?”

Beka jumped. “Looking for a date.” She’d wandered into the tree ferns a few metres from the ship, and in spite of the crackling ground he’d come up behind her completely unheard. “Do you have to do that?”

Tyr shrugged. He was wrapped in one of the blankets, his breath clouding in the cold air. “I was practising. I shall have to start hunting soon. Again, what are you doing out here? I know that you’re not picky but I doubt that you’ll find a mate out here. Although, some of those rodents may well be genetically superior to Harper.”

“I was admiring the view. ” She looked at him, then said “Hunting what?” then the light dawned. “You can’t be serious, not those rats!”

“It’s them… or you, Captain Valentine. I have considered our future if the heroic Captain Hunt fails to rescue us. We have adequate life support on the ‘Maru, and there is a food supply. I believe we should be able to survive until the next close passage to the suns, near seventeen years. Perhaps even longer if that sorry wreck can survive this planet’s surface cracking .”

Beka froze. “Uh-uh, no way , no way!” She swallowed hard. Seventeen years alone with Tyr. Eating rats. Alone with Tyr! Suddenly she could feel her cheeks burning, and she couldn’t breathe. She sneaked a quick look at him, but he was looking away. She groped for something to hide the thought. ” I mean, rats.” It sounded lame.

“I’ve eaten them before, they can be quite tasty if you cook them with some garlic.”

Beka was about to snap back at him when she realised he was joking. This was a change from the monotony of “I’m going to kill the little runt” , which was almost all he’d said in the past fortnight. His mood seemed better today. In fact, if she didn’t know better she might think that was a smile. “You seem a bit perky for some one whose gonna be eating rat tomorrow. Spill.”

“I have fixed the shower.”

“My hero! Hot water and everything?”

“Yes, and I suggest you use it immediately. If there are any predators on this world they will be able to smell you from some distance.” Again, he was teasing, a hot shower having improved his mood no end. He was very vain and had hated being dirty. “I know I can.”

“HEY! Thats no fair. It’s a womanly fragrance.” She lifted up her face, mock indignantly. Tyr leaned over, suddenly she was reminded just how big he was, she felt dwarfed. Her pulse picked up and her cheeks threatened to colour again. He just sniffed.

“Actually you smell different to how you do on the Andromeda, at least I think you do, under all that dirt. ” Then he actually put his face against her hair and inhaled deeply. Her heart nearly stopped. “I can’t quite say how though. Are you feeling unwell?”

“Only at the thought of rat stew.” Good recovery. Very carefully she stepped away. “So, you fix anything else? Like, the thrusters?” She breathed out, nice change of subject.

“Unfortunately not.You should go inside Beka, get clean..”He drew in a deep breath. “And stay inside, this air’s not good for you, it’s too acidic for human lungs.”Suddenly his blanket was around her shoulders, and so were his huge dark arms as he wrapped her up. Beka jumped, surprised at his sudden closeness, then relaxed when she realized that he was just trying to warm her up. She hadn’t noticed until then that she’d been shivering, and only partly from the cold. He was paying no attention to her personal space. He wasn’t naive, he had to have noticed the effect he was having. Maybe he just like buzzing her to see the reaction, she never could read him.

Tyr tied his hair back and took out his gun, carefully not looking at her. He had to stop doing that. It was just a male animal reaction to a female, and it was totally inappropriate with a human female. A few weeks ago he’d almost killed some fool she’d been flirting with at one of those dull functions that humans seemed to insist on whenever they met. The real problem was that male DNA is indiscriminate and will do anything to replicate itself, and his was feeling distinctly unreplicated . He kept repeating that every night as he listened to her breathing, and every time he caught her scent. Just DNA.

He realised the silence had become awkward. “I may as well start hunting before we starve. Any preferences?”

“Yuck. Just make sure the little critters are dead before you bring them into the ‘Maru. And you can cook them. I’m going for a shower, maybe then I won’t offend your Nietzschean senses. Happy hunting.”

With that, she stomped noisily through the frozen ferns back to the ship, glancing back as he padded noiselessly into the ferns, impossibly feline and graceful for a man so big. She couldn’t help wondering , yet again, if he was that big all over. Well, he was supposed to be a physically perfect specimen. Hmm, maybe she needed a cold shower, not a hot one.

A little while later and a lot cleaner, Beka was up to her elbows in the Maru’s guts, having another go at the thrusters. If uber could pull a repair out of thin air then so could she. An hour later she was swearing and throwing things.Where the hell was Dylan? Why hadn’t Trance pulled the “lets try *that* one” trick, and found them, like she’d found Dylan that time he’d been dragged off to prison. And if she ever caught up with Harper she was going to help Tyr kill him, in the slowest and most painful way….

Beka was shaken out of her fantasies of maiming Harper by the hatch hissing open. There stood Tyr, his hair and clothes sparkling faintly with frost, and four large vermin in one hand. “The mighty hunter returns. Find anything yummy?”

“You’ll be relieved to know there’s a small lake with some fish, and a few edible looking plants next to it. I’ve eaten some to test them for you, and since I haven’t reacted yet they are probably non-toxic to humans. ” He dropped the rats onto the bar, and started stripping off the button-sleeved jacket he was wearing. “I’ll test these too. You’ll have to wait till tomorrow to see if I react .”

“Fine by me. Hey, I thought you couldn’t get food poisoning. How will you know if it’s gonna make me sick?” Beka tried not to stare as Tyr stretched and flexed, shirtless, then looked away as he began skinning his prey.

“Although Nietzscheans are immune to a wide range of poisons, we generally know if we’ve eaten something toxic. I have much more sensitive taste buds, and I can feel my body counteract it. If it’s something lethal to you, I might get indigestion. So far I’d say that the plants were fine, and these creatures smell non-toxic too.I think I shall name them ‘harpers’.” Tyr’s eyes narrowed as he gutted a harper with more strength than was really necessary.

“Nice name. Since we’re on the subject, do drugs affect you at all? Can you get drunk?” Beka had always wanted to ask this, but couldn’t think of a valid reason to in the past.

“Yes, not that I would ever be that foolish. It would leave me vulnerable, and the universe has a habit of throwing danger at you at times like that. It would take a lot of alcohol, it wouldn’t last long and I wouldn’t suffer after effects, or addictions . Museveni made us well.” Tyr looked at her for a moment when he said ‘addictions’, then went back to cutting.

Desperately avoiding the subject of her flash habit, she said, “Since we are on the subject of Nietzschean design, I’ve always wondered why Museveni senior didn’t make it impossible for humans and Ubers to interbreed. If he was so stuck on genetic purity why didn’t he tweak your chromosomes?” Damn! That was a stupid, stupid subject to bring up when you’re the only male and female for a light year in any direction.

Tyr stopped what he was doing and looked at her in surprise. He couldn’t think of a word to say, and he certainly wasn’t going to admit that this had not occurred to him before. He recovered a moment later and went back to gutting the rats. It was a good point. It would have been simple to make some alteration to make interbreeding impossible. So why hadn’t it been done?

The silence began to draw out. She had to say something, and quick. “So why aren’t we up to our necks in little halfbreeds? I mean, since so many Nietzschean males are never chosen by Nietzschean females, and you believe the only reason to live is to reproduce, you’d think that halfbreed children are better than none. And another thing, if you’re all so perfect, how come there are so many bald, ugly ubers around?” Not bad. Lets see him come up with an answer to that.

Tyr suddenly laughed, a rich sound that broke the tension.”You mean the Drago-Katzoff! All of the original Nietzschean specimens were perfect, but flaws do slowly creep in if a clan’s females aren’t too picky. There have even been rumours of desperate families buying mixed ancestry female slaves for their childless sons, and passing the children off as purebloods. Oh, it happens, but really only in the clans that keep slaves. The Drago- Katzoff have probably been contaminating their gene pool for centuries. Keeping slaves weakens them in more ways than one.” he continued smiling, any excuse to insult them.

“I thought Nietzscheans DNA tested their mates for quality.” Now this was all new to her. Beka had known a couple of hybrids, but they’d been hiding in the human population, spurs pulled out.

“Only the males. Why? Are you interested in crossbreeding, Beka?”

Tyr could have hit himself. What madness had made him say that? He looked at her, blonde hair coppery in the emergency lighting, normally pale skin rosy, face shocked. He’d gone too far, DNA overriding cultural programming and sanity for a moment.

“I… er, I gotta fix the thrusters.” and she vanished into the engines, heart pounding.

Ten minutes later her heart was still racing. This was stupid, they were both adults, she had been around the track more than a few times, and it was stupid of her to nearly faint at what was probably a throwaway remark. Or was it? She couldn’t stop the thought running round and round in her head; what if he was serious? They could well be stuck here for a very long time, maybe he was just being practical, and she had raised the subject first. But it wasn’t just sex. Do it with him once and thats it; forever, babies, commitment, all the things in life that scared her. Nietzscheans don’t do recreational sex…

Beka went cold. It had finally dawned on her why she smelled different lately. She’d had the standard one year contraceptive implant every year since god knows when, and the last was over a year ago. She was fertile, and he could smell it like an animal. Her stomach started tying itself into knots. That explained a lot. She was in heat and he could smell it

She took a few deep breaths, and began to calm down. It was allright, Tyr would never be interested in her, she was sub-standard, a donkey next to a thoroughbred. Dylan might still find them. This planet could blow up in the next few minutes…Get a grip Beka. Try not to think about it. With him. Those huge arms locked around her, clothes being torn off, him inside her. She bit her lip to distract herself, took a few more deep breaths. Okay, so it wasn’t that bad an idea. Just not a good one. Just calm down and find a way to fix the goddam ship!

A little while later there was the surprisingly good smell of cooking meat, and he appeared next to her. She was stripping down a fused circuit, and had found something she could actually use. It took a few seconds before she noticed him.

“Anything useful?” Tyr crouched next to her, a bronze mass of muscle, all male and impossibly beautiful, just a touch too close in the confined engine area.

“Yes! If I can find three more of these, we may actually have a hope in hell of takeoff. So, how was your fried harper?” Keep to neutral subjects Beka. Play safe.

“I’ve tasted worse. How long before we can leave?” Tyr was still bare chested, a light sheen of sweat gleaming on his muscles. Funny, she didn’t think the galley got that warm.

“Tyr, there’s no guarantee that we’re going anywhere, and I’m going to have to strip the Maru down to the metal to find what I need. A week or two. Maybe.You know, if I hadn’t got angry and smashed that conduit earlier I would never have spotted that this micro-relay was intact.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” His sounded oddly tense.

“Mmm? Yeah, find me the nano-welder. No, wait I see it.” Beka stood up,and stretched over his head for the tool, not thinking.

It was an innocent movement, but standing like that had put her belly on a level with his face, and stretching had lifted up her leather gilette, exposing her skin. A wave of warm scent engulfed Tyr. For a moment he froze, then an involuntary growl escaped, and his head jerked towards her as if it were pulled by a leash, the animal taking over. It was all he could do not to bite her, and he stayed there, unable to stop growling and unable to move. Magog venom couldn’t have paralysed him better.

Beka looked down at the sound, and every muscle in her body locked. She’d never heard him make that noise before. After a few seconds her breath came back, but she didn’t dare to speak. She drew in a ragged breath, and Tyr’s head jerked forward again.He rested his lips against her taut abdomen, hands holding her hips, thumbs caressing her gently. He breathed deeply, and with one fluid movement stood and pulled her against him, one hand grasping the hair at the back of her head, forcing her face up so that she was looking into his eyes. It was terrifying. She could see all thought was gone, animal instincts only in his eyes, no control. She couldn’t stop him if she tried.

She was held still for a long second, Tyr looking down at her captive body. His skin was burning hot against hers, the veins on his neck pulsing. He half lifted her, and pulled her head to one side, the other huge arm squeezing the breath from her. Beka managed to wedge her arms against his chest and tried to pry herself loose, muscles finally working, panicking.

“Tyr!” She lost her voice again as his teeth sank into her neck. She gasped with shock, then pushed as hard as she could. “Tyr, stop!” Something about this was very wrong, this wasn’t Tyr, all the control in him was gone. Just the most basic needs, consuming him.

Tyr let go of her hair, and ran his hand up to her breasts, ripping open the gilette and vest beneath in one tear. He didn’t even seem to notice her struggling. The other arm went around her, and then they were on the cold metal floor of the Maru, his weight crushing her, tearing at her trousers. One of her arms came free, and Beka hit him as hard as she could with the nano-welder.

She hadn’t hit him hard, not enough swing, but it got his attention. “Tyr stop! You’re hurting me!” she pushed at him again. He raised his head to look at her, frowning slightly. It was then she noticed that his eyes were all black, pupils fixed and dilated. If anyone knew how drugs made a person look it was Beka. Tyr didn’t know what he was doing and she had to calm him down.”Tyr, I can’t breathe, you’re crushing me….”

She was silenced by a gentle touch to the lips, but his weight shifted onto one arm. He plucked the dented welder from her fingers and slid it out of reach, then lay there, braids falling onto her, touching her face with his fingertips, fascinated. She didn’t dare move, just lay there. She had to hold still, let him calm down.

Time seemed to stand still, then his head lowered until his lips brushed hers, eyes closing, then touching his lips to her cheek, then the bruise on her neck, his beard grazing her collarbone. He gently ran a hand over one exposed breast, the thumb tracing around the nipple, then across her belly and down. Tyr looked into her eyes again, seeming more coherent. He growled faintly,and his hand tugged at her waistband again, the fastener breaking. His eyes never moved from hers. Beka just held still, muscles turned to water, the nipple he had touched rock hard, her body turning traitor and all strength abandoning her. The deepest part of her didn’t want him to stop, she could feel the pressure building up inside, responding to his touch. Not a thing of concious will, just long repressed need taking over. Her hips lifted slightly, and he dragged the remaining fabric away from her skin, leaving her naked from the waist down. A knee parted her legs, opening her body to him.

A few moments passed while he freed himself, then a thick rod of warm flesh touched her. Beka shrank away for a moment, beginning to tremble. Tyr held her still, then began to growl gently as he entered her, slowly working his way into her moist flesh. She gasped at the fullness, her body quaking from the sweet friction as he pushed himself deeper, then she began to move in response, crying out at each little thrust.

Her breathless cries seemed to make something in him snap. His teeth sank into her shoulder, then he rammed into her, filling her completely . He pulled back, then slammed into her again, making her body shudder uncontrollably. Beka curled around his body, her nails clawing into his back, screaming as he drove into her body over and over. Nothing that intense could last long, and as the orgasm shook her to pieces, he released his hot seed into her, crying out her name.

How long Beka had been lying on the cold floor she couldn’t tell, but her senses began to ebb back. Tyr was a warm weight, half crushing her. She put a hand onto his heaving chest, feeling the burning skin, the sweat dripping from the tightly curled hairs. He slid out of her body, then slumped next to her, eyes closed. Beka was left cold and empty, naked except for the torn gilette and vest. Reality closed in, she had to move fast. Beka dragged herself to her feet and into the shower, and let the water wash away the sweat and the smell of him, but most importantly trying to flush every last trace of him out of her body. If only she’d kept something on board… But she’d never thought she would need emergency measures, she was always so careful. She dried off, then put on her spare vest and pants. Beka paused at the door and took a deep breath. Best not to put it off, deal with the awkward aftermath and move on. No big thing, just hormones gone mad, the poison whatever affecting you.

Tyr had gone from the floor. She found him crashed out face down on his bunk, the gouges on his back glaring at her. She should get this over with.

“Tyr.” No response. Beka sat on the bunk, and felt his neck. The skin was cooler this time, whatever poison he had eaten wearing off. She brushed the hair from his face, but he didn’t react. “Guess it can wait.”

She stayed next to him, admiring the sculpted muscle and touching his bone spurs, something he’d never let her do if he was awake. It was just sex, didn’t mean anything. The dead end relationship of all time. Would never work. Wouldn’t even have looked at her if he wasn’t stoned to hell….

“… please respond. Repeat . Eureka Maru, this is the Andromeda Ascendant, please respond. Beka, Tyr, are you there?”

Beka leapt to the flight deck. “Rommie!” Pure relief flooded through her. “It took you long enough. Where the hell have you been? “

“It’s a long story.” Dylan appeared on screen. “Are you both alright?”

Ah. “Yes. Tyr’s sleeping.” She smiled a little too brightly, turning quickly to the side and pulling up her collar to hide the bitemark. He couldn’t have seen it in the dim light. “But the Maru’s systems are totalled. You’d better send Harper down in a fighter with his tool kit and every spare part you’ve got.” And a body bag for his sorry ass.

“Hey Boss!” Harper stuck his head into view, armpit height to Dylan. “What happened?”

“I’ll tell you all about it when you get here. How long will you be?”

“An hour or so.” Rommie interrupted. “Tell me what you need for take off only, this area is in Drago-Katzoff space, and I’m in no condition for a fight.”

Beka listed the essentials then ended the conversation, saying that she should get on with some work while she waited. When the link was gone, Tyr spoke from behind her.

“How long will they be?”

“Harper will be here in an hour. Don’t kill him until he’s fixed the ship.” She kept facing forward, unable to look at him. “Are you feeling better?”

“Mostly.” There was a long pause. “Beka…,” his voice faltered. “Did I hurt you?”

“Well you could have kissed me first.” She snapped. “Or asked if I minded.” She immediately regretted saying it, and turned to speak to him, but he had gone.

Beka found him sat on his bunk, face in his hands, shoulders shaking. If she didn’t know better she would have thought he was crying. She felt at a bit of a loss, and leaned against the wall while she hunted for the right words. How do you say, “Okay, you forced me into it but I didn’t really mind,” without sounding disturbed. And there was that whole racial purity crap that meant so much to him. He’d well and truly broken that taboo. She wanted to put her arms around him, but figured it may do more harm than good.

“Well, your performance wasn’t that bad. A bit brief maybe.” Sarcasm to the rescue.

He looked up, stunned.

“Beka,” he drew in a ragged breath,” I have no clear memory of what happened. I need you to tell me. I can remember you screaming…” His face sunk into his hands again.

Beka picked her next words with more care than she’d ever used in her life.” I was screaming with you, not at you. At least, I was at the end. Tyr, I know that you’d never ‘consider a human female,’ and I could see that you were sick, so I tried to stop you.” Close enough to the truth. “But have you ever looked at yourself in a mirror? I’m not dead. If you ever wanted to fuck me, you only had to say. It gets very dull on the Andromeda.” Probably best for both of them if she acted like this was meaningless.

He looked up, a mix of relief and surprise in his eyes. Then they clouded over again. “Beka, I remember you screaming at me to stop. You hit me with the nano- welder. You were frightened.”

“I was surprised, there’s a difference. If you had raped me, would I do this?”

It had to be something physical or he would never believe her. As he looked up at her, she put her hands on his shoulders, then straddled him on the bunk, a knee either side, looking down slightly. He was unsure for a moment, then rested his head on her breasts and put his arms round her.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked quietly.

“Yes! You bite like a Magog.” Beka rubbed her neck ruefully.

“And you scratch like one.” Tyr started to shift uncomfortably, the feel of her body making him stiff again. He held her tighter. Once wasn’t enough, bloodline be damned. If it was wrong, Museveni would have made it impossible. But would she..?

Tyr tentatively lifted her vest, half expecting her to hit him. Instead, her slender body arched back in his arms, and reassured, he very gently kissed the skin between her breasts. He stopped, and then taking her advice, lifted his head and kissed her. She pulled away at his kiss, and looked him in the eyes, seeming a little suprised. Then she stood up, and after a frantic few seconds of stripping was back astride him, both of them now naked. She kissed him, sliding her tongue into his mouth, and impaled herself on him, wrapping her legs around his waist to force him deep into her. She cried out his name. Tyr held her and let her ride him, breaking the kiss to bite her gently all over her breasts.

Eventually his self control broke, and he pushed her down hard, making her gasp, then threw her onto her back and drove in deep again, this time making her scream. Unable to hold himself back he buried himself to the hilt in her, then shuddered and came. Beka shook beneath him. Again, it hadn’t lasted long, but it hadn’t needed too. They lay together, bodies still locked, the tension gone. Beka seemed drained, and when Tyr finally pulled out of her she couldn’t move. He shifted her so she was resting in his arms, then watched as she drifted into an exhausted sleep.

And then woke with a start. “Harper’s gonna be here any minute!” She sat bolt upright, and looked around for her clothes.

“You were only asleep for a few moments, we have plenty of time.” he pulled her back into his arms. “Rest for a while.” he wrapped around her, trapping her. There was no arguing with muscle like that, so she stayed. As they lay there, he stroked her forearm absently. No spurs. Humans tended to expect monogamous relationships too. Well, for now it wouldn’t matter, he was hardly overwhelmed with females of his own kind. When he finally was, she would have to accept her status as one of several wives. But what kind of effect would half human siblings have on his son? No hybrid could be a true Kodiak. He would have to keep them secret, or at least separate. That could be an issue fairly soon. Beka was fertile, he could smell it, and although she didn’t realise it had probably conceived already. Not that he was going to tell her that. The longer he kept her lying there, the more chance there was of his second child. So many things to consider. He wrapped his arms around her, instinct taking over again. Reproduce first, think later.

Beka began to wriggle, she *really* had to get into the shower. She knew that Nietzschean males were a lot more fertile than your standard human, no dead or deformed swimmers, sperm count usually ten times higher. The only other alternative was in medical, and the thought of that made her a little sick. Problem was, he was being all clingy and romantic.

“Uh, Tyr, I hate to spoil the mood but I really have to go.”

“The little mechanic won’t be here for at least half an hour. Do you tire of me so quickly, Captain Valentine?” He looked at her, beautiful dark eyes seeming hurt and insecure.Voice like velvet.

She kissed him. She had meant it to be brief but reassuring. He made it linger and ran a hand gently down her back, sending a shiver down her spine.

“We don’t have time for that. I have to shower and stuff.” She pried herself out of his embrace and grabbed her clothes. “Look, Tyr, you were great, but…” How could she say this best.”I’m not sure we should let everyone know. And I’m not good at serious. Maybe we should cool off for a while. Think. I mean, it could get very difficult.” She started backing towards the bathroom.

“You are finished with me already?” Tyr wore an expression of hurt disbelief. “Beka, why? Did I do something wrong? You didn’t enjoy me? Did I hurt you?”

A wave of guilt washed over her. “No Tyr, nothing like that. It’s cultural. You’re Nietzschean, I’m human, it’s just not a good idea.” He looked really hurt. Say something nice. “The sex was great, I’ve wanted to do that for months. But humans do sex for recreation. If you want to have fun I’m more than happy, but I can’t see how anything else could work. I’m not the commitment kind.”

He didn’t look happy. Being rejected by an “inferior” was probably putting a real dent in his uber-ego and nothing she could say was going to make a difference. Better leave him to get over it. She walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind her. She felt like a total bitch, but it was for the best. Mixed species relationships were an all round bad idea.

Tyr could hear the sound of running water, and smiled bleakly. That was unlikely to help her, she had been asleep for a good twenty minutes in his arms, time enough. But what if once she was aboard the Andromeda, she did something unnatural? Took something from medical to flush their child away. It was possible, perhaps more than possible. He had to do something, he could not allow a moment of panic to destroy his child. And then there was the matter of Beka’s own safety. She would never abandon Hunt and his mad dream, and every minute she was on the Andromeda his insanity endangered her. The only thing that would possibly make her seek safety was motherhood, and she was doing her best to avoid that, trying to wash away what might be her only chance to reproduce.

But he couldn’t talk to her now, she wouldn’t be in the mood to listen, and he couldn’t be calm. It would only make things worse. He needed time to think about what he should say, which strategy would work. And if by some miracle she hadn’t conceived he would have to charm his way into her bed, and work on her to act in her own best interest. What was best for Tyr was best for Beka: her hidden on some safe world with his child in her belly. It was somewhat ironic, this day had begun with him avoiding her, and now he was planning their family. Maybe the sanctimonious Magog had been right, the universe did have a sense of humour.

Harper arrived just after Tyr had showered and dressed. Their scratches and bites now hidden under sterile dressings from the first aid kit. Tyr was very restrained, and even polite, but it was obvious that he was in a dangerous mood. Beka was relieved when he threw himself into the fighter and headed back to the Andromeda before them. He hadn’t even hit Harper once.

“Hey, what was all that about?” Even the normally insensitive Harper had picked up on the atmosphere.

Beka hit him on the back of the head. “I’ve been cooped up in this ship with him for two whole weeks you little wiener. And its all your fault, you lazy… Aargh!” She hit him again. “My ship is a wreck!” But her heart wasn’t in it. Had she actually hurt Tyr’s feelings? She sighed. “Just fix it, Seamus.”

Harper was smart enough to know that now was not the time for a wiseass reply, and ducked out of sight. What had happened? He had a few wild ideas, but no, they hadn’t been stuck here that long. He got busy with the circuits, mind only half on the job. Then he spotted something pink in a corner. Ever curious, he picked it up. It had been a while since he’d seen anything like it, and it was shredded, but Harper was sure. It was torn underwear, and unless the big guy had turned really kinky it was Beka’s. And it had been lounging on top of a pile of relay casings, so… it had to have got there after the crash. Oh! Way to go! This could provide months of entertainment, blackmail opportunities and more. He stuffed the lacy remains into a pocket for later. Waste not want not. He risked a peek at Beka, and the pad stuck to her neck. Must have been one wild ride. He was going to watch those two very closely. Rommie’s internal sensors were a peeping tom’s dream, and there was the very cool possibility that the ‘Maru’s new security sensors had recorded the whole thing for the home audience.

Seamus Zelazny Harper was going to have some fun. And maybe some popcorn.
***********************
See part one for warnings and acknowledgements.

 

Rationalising – Part 3

 

Dylan stood on the observation deck, staring at the stars and brooding. Trance was gone. “Not forever Dylan”, she had said, but she wasn’t sure when she was coming back. There were some things she had to take care of, and she couldn’t take any of them with her. Important things. Trance Gemini things. He sighed. He still knewnext to nothing about her, and ever since her change into the ‘horned killer’ Trance she had felt totally alien. more like some stranger that just happened to be on their side for the moment, rather than a friend. He missed the ‘purple pixie’ Trance. But then he hadn’t really known her either, just the mask she’d worn for them.

He was smart enough to realise that Trance had manipulated many of the events since the ‘Maru had towed them out of the black hole, and probably a good few before. Lately he was beginning to feel uncomfortable with her presence on the Andromeda, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about her leaving. But he did know one thing: they were short a medical officer, gardener, life sciences officer and quantum probability manipulator. He needed more crew. But for now he was just grateful to have found Tyr and Beka in one piece.

“Dylan,” hologram Rommie flickered into life next to him,” the Eureka Maru has docked safely. Shall I instruct the crew to meet you in command?”

“No, I’ll let them settle for a few hours before I give them the bad news.” Even Harper didn’t know yet. Trance had slipped a few hours ago while he was dirtside fixing the ‘Maru, picked up by a sleek but tiny ship of unknown origin. Dylan sighed again. First Rev, now Trance. ” How badly is the ‘Maru damaged?”

Rommie looked distant for a moment, scanning the ship. “The hull plating shows six major fractures, and I’m detecting some micro-cracks in the infrastructure that are suggestive of end stage metal fatigue. The majority of the internal systems are destroyed, and it has emergency life support, AG, thrusters and com. systems only. It’s a wreck.” The AI looked thoughtful. “Dylan, I wouldn’t recommend using the ‘Maru again. The interior systems are repairable, but the condition of the hull is not. Even a low energy impact is likely to rupture it.”

Dylan winced. Beka was not going to be happy, the ‘Maru was her baby, and her home. But it was only to be expected after the amount of times it had crashed. Three? Four? He sighed again, this day wasn’t going well. Down one crew member and half his fleet. Maybe he should give Beka a full eight hours to rest before he told her. He hoped she wouldn’t expect him to buy her a new ship.

*

Beka went straight to medical, and tore into the cabinets at the back. Packs of drugs started falling onto the floor as she searched. She didn’t know what the emergency contraception looked like, but there was no way she was going to ask for help in finding it. That would be like shouting “Hey, I had sex with Tyr,” to the whole ship, and she really didn’t want anyone to know. She started swearing quietly as she read the packaging.

“Looking for something?”

Beka jumped, the pills in her hand flying into the air. “Ah. Tyr.” Damn, busted! He had to know what she was looking for. “How long have you been there?” She didn’t turn round, but started looking through the containers again.

“About half an hour.” His voice was soft, controlled. “I have been waiting for you. Andromeda!”

Hologram Rommie shimmered into being. “Yes, Tyr?”

“Captain Valentine and I would like privacy mode.”

“Engaging privacy mode.” And Rommie flickered out.

Beka couldn’t look at him, she kept searching desperately. “What do you want?” It sounded harsh in the quiet room.

“I need to talk to you. I need to talk about what happened between us. Please Beka, look at me.”

“You know Tyr, in all the time I’ve known you I think that’s the only time you’ve said please. Must be important, whatever it is.” She kept on looking for the pills.

“Beka please, stop.” Huge hands gently gripped her shoulders, she could feel him standing behind her. “Don’t do this.” He paused, sounding uncertain.” Don’t ignore me.”

“Twice in one day. I’m impressed.” She put down the box she was holding. If Tyr was waiting for her in medical he probably knew what she was after, but just maybe he didn’t. She decided to bluff. “Look Tyr, I really need to be alone right now. I just want to treat this bite and get some rest. We can talk after.”

Tyr sighed, and turned her around to face him. “But, I think, ‘after’ will be too late,” He gestured at one of the tables. There were three small white boxes on it. Beka didn’t need to read the labels to know what they were. “These are what you are looking for, I believe.” He let go of her, and stepped back, giving her some space. ” We need to talk about this before you make your decision. I just want you to consider what I have to say before you act. “

Beka drew in a deep breath, this was the last thing she needed right now.”Gee Tyr, could it be something like ‘don’t waste this once in a lifetime chance at your superior DNA?’ Well, thanks for the donation, but I think I’ll pass.” Beka made a move towards the table, but Tyr shifted to block her.

“I was going to say, ‘think about it until tomorrow’. By then a simple medical scan will tell you if you need to take them. If you do, they’ll work for up to six days…after.” There was an expression close to pain on his face. “If you decide to end it then, I won’t stop you. I just want you to consider the possibilities.”

“And what would they be? Me playing mommy? I don’t think so, I have a life. And you’re not my idea of the dream father. I want those pills now!” Beka tried to push past him, but he grabbed her arm and swung her round to face him.

“Beka, I am not being unreasonable.”She could see he was struggling with his anger, but his voice remained level. “I don’t want you to do something in haste that you may regret. It could be my child…” He took a deep breath. ” And it has other implications, for us.”

“Us! Tyr, we had sex, we’re not married. This has nothing to do with you.”

“It has everything to do with me, you could be about to murder my child!”

Tyr stepped back, looking as if he wished he hadn’t said that. He paused for a moment, then continued in a more level voice.” Beka, what happened between us was not meaningless. We both know that…”

“It was just sex!” Beka cut him off in mid flow. “And it’s not like I didn’t try to stop you.”

Tyr flinched as if she’d hit him, and was silent for a moment. Then in a quiet voice. “If it had just been that one time I would not be here. But the second time, when you looked into my eyes, it was your choice. It had meaning!” He paused again. “At least, it meant something to me.”

Beka had no idea what to say to that, she had never been any good at the emotional stuff. And Tyr was just standing there, looking surprisingly vulnerable for someone that big and muscular. It seemed as if she really had hurt his feelings. She began to squirm. Would it really be such a big deal if she left it a few hours? She might not even need the pills, and she could just forget this whole thing had ever happened. No need to deal with this if she didn’t have to.

“Okay Tyr. If it will get you off my back I’ll wait to see if I need them. Just don’t get your hopes up.” Beka knew she given in too easily, but it had been a long day and she had no idea how to deal with an emotional Nietzschean. Or an emotional Beka. “I’ll see you back here after breakfast. Just… I need some space Tyr, don’t crowd me.”

Tyr nodded and stepped further away, raising both hands in a gesture of acceptance, or maybe surrender, she wasn’t sure which. It took her a moment to realise that this was her cue to leave. He wasn’t going to leave her alone in medical, even for a second.

“What’s up Tyr? Don’t you trust me?” She looked him in the eyes, but only for a second. “Fine! See you in the morning.” And then she turned her back on him and walked out.

Tyr let out a long breath, and slumped down onto one of the beds, that had been the most delicately played conversation of his life. It seemed he had been right, Valentine was not capable of dealing with displays of emotion. Assuming the role of the wounded lover had worked, at least for now. It had taken all of his self control, but he had managed to make her feel guilty without feeling coerced. Beka was strong willed, and a fighter by nature. If she felt he was forcing her into anything she would certainly fight him, even if he was acting in her best interest. Emotional blackmail was much more likely to succeed. But obviously she could not be trusted not to try something in between now and breakfast. He hid the EC pills, turned down the lights, and settled in for the night.

*

“I’m a freaking genius!”

Harper grinned like a maniac as the data from the Eureka Maru’s security senors downloaded into his hand held data processor. No one but the Harper himself could have saved those corrupted files. He ginned even wider. The rest of the repairs could wait, he was on his way to hit play, in the privacy of his own quarters of course. With the lights off. Naked. This was definitely going to be one for his ’special’ collection, like the still shots of Rommie’s avatar before she was activated. It had taken him hours of work, but this was going to be worth it.

He left his tools lying on the deck of the ‘Maru, and started to make his way to his room, nearly jogging, eyes full of glee, chuckling, ” Are we gonna have a party!” as he hurried along. He was halfway to his quarters before he noticed that the corridors were night lit. Must have taken longer than he thought…

“…dammit!” That was Beka’s voice, shouting, but some distance away. He could hear Tyr’s voice too, but not what he was saying. Never able to fight his curiosity, Harper began to tiptoe closer, hoping Beka’s shouting would conceal his approach from Tyr’s uber hearing.

“Get your damn hands off me!” It was Beka again.

He could hear Tyr again , but it was too muffled too make out. Whatever it was didn’t seem to impress Beka much.

“You arrrogant Nietzschean bastard! And I suppose a kludge like me should be grateful for your attention.”

Tyr said something else, a little louder now, but Harper could only make out the word “Beka.”

Then there was a long, still silence. Harper froze, if he moved now even Beka would hear him. A few moments later there was the sound of footsteps, and Beka ran past him. She looked really, really upset. Or angry. It was hard to tell. Fortunately for Harper, she didn’t see him lurking outside medical, and she vanished round a corner. Harper held still. Then he heard something he’d never heard before, Tyr swearing. There was the sound of things being thrown on the floor. Harper crept away, praying the noise would cover him. Guess things weren’t going too well between the lovebirds.

A few minutes later he got into his room, and hopped over the pile of grubby clothes onto the bed. It took him a few minutes of digging through smelly shorts and loud shirts to find the player. Harper was bouncing with anticipation by the time he found it and linked it to the hand held.

“Harper TV is on the air!” He pulled his shirt over his head and his shoes off, then lay back and hit play. Nothing happened. “Ah crap! Don’t do this to me.” He hit a few buttons. No visual. Damn. He looked at the references, there must have been more damage to the data then he’d first thought. The system had stopped recording completely when they had hailed the ‘Maru; and a power surge must have trashed the visual data. If he really worked at it he could recover the audio up to about an hour before he got onto the ship. At least he wouldn’t be missing anything interesting, they were probably just doing repairs that last hour. Was he really that desperate for a cheap thrill?

Yes!

Beka hadn’t slept. She’d tried to sneak into medical for the EC’s in the early hours only to find Tyr waiting for her. It hadn’t gone well, she’d lost her temper and shouted at him, then wound up crying. Guess she’d caved in too quickly to be convincing earlier. She should have known the paranoid Anasazi would take no chances where his precious DNA was concerned. Considering what she’d been trying to do he’d been surprisingly reasonable, no telling her how stupid she was to waste an opportunity like this, no reproaches, nothing. Just begging her to think about the future. It was getting scary.

Almost as scary as the medical scan he was going to give her in a little while. Her stomach was doing somersaults. What if she was pregnant? What the hell was she going to do? There was no way Tyr was going to stand by and let her take those pills, whatever he said about ‘just wanting her to think about it’. And if she did manage to get them from him, she knew she’d be making an enemy of him, he’d made that real clear when he used the word ‘murdering’ earlier. He’d never look at her the same way again. No way he’d ever touch her again. Not that he’d even implied anything like that. All she’d got from him was that kicked puppy look.

He might actually expect her to go through with it. Now that was the really scary thing. He couldn’t seriously expect her to… Beka’s mind shied away the the hugeness of it. Children. Always having to be there, always terrified that something bad will happen, no life, no fun. And from the way he was behaving, Tyr was offering the package deal- a lifetime of babies and a brooding Nietzschean checking up on her every move. That just wasn’t the Valentine style. And it wasn’t even like she’d get to keep him to herself, he’d probably collect a dozen Nietzschean wives, maybe more. Beka checked the time again. It was too early, but she couldn’t wait any longer. She had to know now.

Tyr was waiting for her, sitting cross legged on one of the beds, eyes closed. Had he been like that all night?

“Beka.” He opened his eyes and smiled slightly. He stretched sinuously, muscles flexing, no shirt again. It occurred to Beka that he might be trying to impress her with his muscles, some kind of animal display for the female of the species. It was working. Dammit.

“Hey Tyr. Let’s get this over with.” Beka lay down on one of the couches, avoiding his eye. “Do we have privacy?”

“Yes.” Tyr picked up a scanner. “Trance would be better at this, but I assume you don’t want anyone to know about us. It will take me a few minutes.” He ran the scanner over her belly a few times, then turned his back on her to study the readings.

“So, am I pregnant or what?” She sat up and looked over his shoulder. “Tell me!”

Tyr didn’t reply for a few moments, then Beka noticed that his shoulders had slumped. “No.”

Beka let out a long breath, and lay back down. She felt even more relieved than when the Andromeda had rescued them. Her life was her own and was going to stay so. She looked at Tyr’s back, he hadn’t turned to face her. Maybe shouting ‘yippee’ wasn’t a good idea.

Tyr studied the information on the screen. Beka’s hormone levels hadn’t been quite right, it would probably take a month or so for them to normalise, a residual effect of the implant. No biological problem, just bad luck. No second child. He took a few moments to compose himself, now would come the battle for the heart and mind of the reluctant captain. He straightened his back, put on his most charming smile, and turned to face her.

“It seems that there won’t be any small Valentines just yet. I’m sorry if I seemed threatening before, Beka. Nietzscheans can overreact if they perceive something as a threat to their children, even potential children. It’s bred into us, and not something we can easily control.” He touched her hair. “Perhaps it’s better this way.” He lied smoothly. “It would have made life difficult for both of us”.

He stepped away as she sat up. “Damn right it would have. I can’t see me bouncing a baby on my lap while I dodge missiles. I was raised like that, and I won’t do it to someone else. And where would Dylan find another pilot as good as me?” She swung her legs onto the floor. “Well, if you don’t mind, I have a ship to fix. Oh, and if you bump into Harper send him my way.” Then she left, not quite at a run.

Tyr smiled to himself as the panicked cargo captain fled. He was beginning to understand her a little better now. Beka wasn’t just scared of commitment, she was terrified. And she would run just as fast if he were the perfect human mate, any kind of direct proposal would scare her away. His approach would have to be very different to any he might use with a Nietzschean female, or even another human female. Something physical and uncomplicated, perhaps. Get her accustomed to his physical presence and let nature take its course, with his help. It would take some time, but then life had taught Tyr Anasazi the value of patience.

*

Beka settled into the pilot’s chair on the ‘Maru, and finally relaxed, it was all over. No little Anasazis taking over her life. No big Anasazi taking over her life. Everything the same as before. Except that she’d had screwed a crewmate- a Nietzschean crewmate. There it was, the old Valentine ’screw up first and think later’ again. Guess it wasn’t just the ‘Maru and the debts that she’d inherited from her father. Maybe she should have it tattooed on her ass, the family motto. No one like her should be a parent, she couldn’t even be trusted with her own life, her flash habit had proved that to her and everyone else. Tyr must be getting desperate, going for the dregs of the gene pool like that.

She’d fucked Tyr. How dumb was that? She should never have done it the second time. If it had just been the once she could have passed it of as all his fault, but no, she had to get all hot and sweaty with him all over again. Her pulse picked up as she thought about it. No Valentine! No way are you going to do that again, no matter how mind destroyingly great the sex was. Tyr. What was she thinking. Take away the muscles and those beautiful dark eyes and what did you have?

“Beka?”

She snapped out of her thoughts to find Dylan standing behind her. “Hmm? Oh, hey, Dylan.”

Beka smiled at him, but couldn’t stop the stress of the past day showing on her face. She looked haggard, dark circles under her eyes. “Are you alright Beka?” Maybe now wasn’t the time to tell her about her ship.

“It was a rough two weeks. What kept you?”

“We got into a fight with a couple of warships, the slipstream drive was damaged, Harper was in a coma for a week… it’s a long story. So, anything happen to you two that your Captain should know about?”

“No, nothing.”

Something in her voice made him look at her. She wasn’t telling him something, that was clear. He raised an eyebrow in a silent question, but she just looked away. Ah well, it was her private business. “Beka…” No, he could tell her about her ship later. “Go and get some rest. That’s an order from your Captain.”

“I would, but I’ve a hundred things to do. The ‘Maru…”

“Can wait. For once we aren’t in a hurry to be somewhere, and we have to make some repairs to Andromeda before we do anything. This is a Captain’s order to his first officer. Bed, now.”

“Yes sir!” She mock saluted him.

“I’ll see you in eight hours, and if you’re out of bed any earlier I shall have Rommie pump a sedative gas into your room.” He straightened up, and gestured for her to leave.

“Gee mom, I promise I’ll be good.” Beka stood up.”What Dylan, not going to walk me home?”

Dylan surprised her by offering her his arm. Never one to back down, Beka accepted it and let him lead her off the ‘Maru. And then to her room. Guess he meant it about her getting some sleep. He finally let go of her, and opened the door .

“No good night kiss? My charm must be wearing off.” Teasing Dylan always improved her mood. And it was so easy.

Dylan shocked her. He grabbed her round the waist and swung her into his arms so that she was off balance, looking up at him. She squeaked involuntarily, then realised he was laughing. And she’d thought he had no sense of humor.

“Real cute, Dylan.”

He set her back on her feet, grinning like a boy. “I’ve been waiting months to get even for that time you slapped my behind in front of Elsbett.”

“Very funny.” Then the devil in her took over. “So, are you going to tuck me in too?”

“If it will get you to sleep.” This was more like Beka, he had been a little concerned before. “Would you like me to sing you a lullaby as well?”

“Dylan! At last! I was beginning to think you didn’t care.” She smiled at him coquettishly.

If she was flirting with him like this there couldn’t be too much wrong with her. Dylan smiled back, then put his hand on her rear and shoved her briskly into her quarters. “Andromeda, don’t open first officer Valentine’s door for eight hours. Goodnight Beka.” Then he shut the door, looking smug.

She was fine, just tired. Dylan knew he was being a coward, not telling her about her ship, or even about Trance, but he figured she’d sleep better if she didn’t know. When she found out it was going to get ugly. Maybe she was right, they ought to raise some capital. That mining idea of hers might be a way of buying a new ship, and clearing some debts. Maybe there would be enough left over for some armaments and other necessities… Dylan started composing his shopping list as he walked away.

*

Tyr grunted with effort as he lifted a huge weight, the sweat beading on honey dark skin. He hadn’t trained properly for a couple of weeks, and he could feel that his muscle tone was starting to suffer. It was proving difficult to keep his attention focused on the task, his mind kept returning to the Valentine problem. Don’t think about her. The scent of her skin and the feel of her warm body. He lowered the weight, the vivid memory of thier bodies locked together wrecking his concentration. He shook his head, trying to banish the image, and began lifting the weight again. It was foolish of him to dwell on the event.

It occured to him as he flexed, that if he impregnated Beka she would no longer be able to continue as first officer on the Andromeda, and it was obvious that he was the only real choice as her replacement. A fringe benefit, his status on the ship would be improved by removing her. Or alternatively, he would gain more influence and control by being her lover. A no-lose situation, the best kind. Assuming that she would allow him into her bed again. What if she rejected him? Ridiculous. He dismissed his self doubt. The way she had reacted to him before showed that she was powerfully attracted to him. If he approached her correctly she was unlikely to refuse. He lifted the weight one last time, but it seemed heavier then before. The lack of sleep perhaps, or he was a little less than his best after the past two weeks. He dropped the weight and sat up, shaking his head to clear the fog. Perhaps, unlikely though it was, he was ill. Tyr stood, and his head swam, then he collapsed onto his knees, the gym turning into a gray haze…

“Tyr!” Someone was shouting at him. The hard floor was unusually comfortable. He decided to stay there.

“Tyr!” Why was he on the floor? His eyes opened. He was lying on his side, the ship’s avatar kneeling beside him. He tried to raise his head, but found he was too weak to move.

“Don’t try to move just yet. You are suffering from hypoxia, the effects should pass quickly.”

He took in a few deep breaths, and he felt sensation returning to his limbs. “What happened?”

Rommie looked embarrased. “A life support malfunction. My internal sensors were damaged recently and failed to detect the oxygen levels falling in this section. Fortunately my avatar was passing and saw you on the floor. A few minutes later and you would have been dead. Please accept my apologies.”

Tyr sat up.”Apologies are pointless, just make sure that it doesn’t happen again. Andromeda, you may not need to breathe but the rest of the crew find it vital. It would be considerate of you to make life support a priority from now on.”

Rommie stood up, clasping her hands behind her back.”Of course. I shall run a full diagnostic on my life support systems immediately. Do you need to go to medical? Again.”

He stood, carefully.”No.” It seemed the ship was paying far too much attention to his movements. “You should spend more time maintaining your critical systems, and less time prying. Tell me ship, have you been violating the privacy mode too?”

“Of course not, Tyr. I simply noticed that both you and Beka have spent a lot of time in medical since your return.”

“We were on that world for two weeks, we had a few minor injuries to repair. None of which is your concern, ship. Perhaps you should consider letting Harper alter your programming to make you less concerned with the crew’s movements, and more concerned with the life support.”

“The fault that caused the oxygen level to fall in this room was unique, and undetectable due to the systems damage in this area. Reprogramming would make no difference in my ability to detect it. Now, if you will excuse me Tyr, I have a ship wide diagnostic program to implement.”

Rommie allowed her face to smile as she walked away. Tyr’s heartbeat had elevated slightly at the mention of the time he had spent in medical, and again when she had said Beka’s name. Her internal records showed that Captain Valentine had not slept recently, and that she had run out of medical in tears after meeting Tyr there. The AI estimated a sixty five percent probability of a physical relationship between the two. Interesting, but probably irrelevant. However, her primary concern was the failure of the oxygen regulator and both it’s back up systems, together with the sensors that should have told her of their malfunction. It was possible but highly unlikely that all four systems could fail simultaneously, but then she had taken a lot of damage from that last battle. She would have Harper look over her affected systems when he woke up, and inform Dylan of the malfunction in the next ship’s status report. A minor matter for the Captains’s attention.

Beka had finally got some sleep, a full six hours before nervous energy woke her up, a new record for her. In the old days Harper used to tease her about how she would wander around the ‘Maru in the small hours looking for things to fix. Strange how the engineer drank non-stop caffeine and bounced around like a hyper two year old in the day, but slept like the dead for eight hours straight every night. Except for that one time when she’d caught him… She tried not to think about what Harper did when he thought she was asleep.

She staggered around her room bleary eyed, she needed coffee and fast. Who was she kidding. She shivered and slumped onto her bed, it wasn’t coffee she needed. Beka took a few deep breaths, now what was it that Rev used to say? I give my pain to the Universe, it belongs to the Divine. She said the mantra aloud a couple of times, then gave up and got dressed, she’d never had the patience for meditating. Beka needed to do something to take her mind off her morning flash craving. She checked the time, the eight hours Dylan had insisted she spend in her quarters were up, she was free!

Like a homing missile she headed straight for the ‘Maru, the list of things that needed fixing on the old wreck buzzing in her head. Then she remembered that the destruction was all Harper’s fault, and she turned right around, back to the crew quarters. She’d let the little weasel get away with it so far because of the whole mess with Tyr, but now he was going to pay big time. She pushed the buzzer on his door, then began hammering on it impatiently. How dare he be asleep.

“Dammit Harper wake up! My ship needs fixing!” She started pacing back and forth, in a generally foul mood. She hit the door a few more times until she could hear him moving, then kicked it for good measure, and as practice for when the runt finally faced her.

A minute or so later the door slid open, and a even more wild haired than usual Harper squinted at her.” What? OW!”

Beka had kicked him neatly in the shin, not hard enough to damage him, but enough to take the edge off her temper.

“What the hell where you doing in there Harper?” It looked like he hadn’t slept at all, his eyes were too bright, and there was a definite nervous twitch.”No, forget I asked.” It was probably unmentionable. At least he had his clothes on this time.

“Hey, Beka. Are you Ok?” he seemed to be perking up, but not his usual light speed babble. His eyes seemed shadowed.

“Me? I’m fine, peachy. But the ‘Maru is fried and it’s all your fault…” Beka drew in a deep breath and was about to launch into a tirade about the state of her ship and his inadequacies as an engineer, when he jumped in first.

“I’m so sorry Boss, this whole thing is all my stupid fault. If I’d kept up to date with the ‘Maru’s maintenance this whole thing would never had happened, but oh no. I was too busy playing with Rommie, chasing the babes, and watching the surfing channel. Some boy wonder I am if I can’t keep my friends out of danger. I could’ve got you killed, too. I’m so stupid, I just keep bouncing along, ignoring the rules and regs, convinced that Harper will always save the day. If I hadn’t kept putting off replacing that power relay, and it’s such a quick job, what, an hour or two? I’ll do anything to make this up to you, just name it. I’ll fix the ‘Maru up good as new. I’ll clean her latrines out. I’ll get her some shiny new plating so she matches Rommie. I’ll take care of everything, Beka. I promise I’ll never let anything like that happen to you again.”

Beka stood with her mouth half open, Harper apologising like this was a new twist. Usually it was non-stop, “It wasn’t really my fault because..” followed by some implausible excuse like, “A space monster ate us”, or “Tyr detonated it”. And once, her personal favourite, “How was I supposed to know it was sentient?” Now, Harper just stood in the doorway in a rumpled Hawaiian shirt, looking at her with a guilt-stricken expression. The sympathetic part of her wanted to tell him to not feel bad, it’d be fine. But the rest of her had spent two weeks in a trashed ship with Tyr, and then put through the emotional wringer, and was not in a forgiving mood.

“You’re damn right, Harper. This is all your fault. Every second I was stuck on that hell hole with Tyr was your fault. Every blown circuit and smashed component on the ‘Maru is your fault. And now, I want you to fix her. And I mean NOW!”

Harper flinched when she shouted at him, then nodded, and grabbed his tools from the floor of his room. Moments later he was trotting barefoot towards the hanger. Beka scowled at him from behind. He had his work cut out for him, for the next month or three. She was going to make him scrub the latrine out with his toothbrush as a further punishment. And what the hell was a ‘boy wonder’? Another one of his obscure historical references, probably. The boy lived in the past, you could tell from his shirts; three thousand years of fashion had just passed him by. Not that it really mattered what he wore, he looked scruffy in everything.

Harper didn’t say much for the next couple of hours, except “pass the nanowelder”. He kept to himself, huddled next to the engine, replacing the EM lens on the slipstream drive. The silence began to wear on Beka’s nerves, she hadn’t ripped into him that badly. What was eating him? She peered at him over her coffee. She couldn’t see his eyes behind the goggles but his mouth was a hard line, and every now and then he’d put down the welder, take a deep breath, then start work again. He seemed more angry than anything, probably thinking of all the work he’d made for himself. Beka smiled faintly. Oh yes, he was going to pay. Starting with that chrome plating, the old girl could do with a facelift.

*

Dylan took a deep breath, he couldn’t put this off any longer. Beka was in there right now, working on a dead ship that was never going to fly again. He stood in the hangar and studied the old hauler, unfortunately it was now as bad as it looked. A more thorough sensor scan by Andromeda had shown the damage to be worse than she’d first thought. Rommie had said that it probably wouldn’t even make it to the nearest slipstream point without a hull breach. His stomach began to tie itself into a knot. He’d faced Nietzshean fleets and a Magog worldship without feeling sick, but having to tell one of his best friends that the love of her life wasn’t spaceworthy anymore was killing him.

She was sitting in the pilots chair, coffee in hand, feet resting on a console, looking relaxed for the first time since she’d been rescued. She looked up at him and smiled. Dylan cringed inside.

“Hey Dylan! Harper’s promised to buy the ‘Maru some shiny new hull plating, and he’s going to clean the head out with his toothbrush. Wanna watch?” She gestured to the rear of the ship. “We could get him to clean it now, if you like. Harper!”

“Ah, that won’t be necessary, let’s just leave Harper’s toothbrush in peace.” He took a deep breath, it was now or never. “Beka , the ‘Maru was damaged pretty seriously this time…”

“You’re telling me. It’s going to take Harper months to fix her, all of the internal power…”

“No, Beka.” It was all he could say.

She looked at him, confused, not wanting to understand. “He can do it in his spare time, he won’t need time off from his duties.”

“I’m sorry, but Harper’s not going to be doing any work on the ‘Maru again. That last crash seriously compromised the structure, there are cracks all the way along her hull, and metal fatigue from repeated crashes and explosions. She’s old, and she wasn’t designed to be a warship, Beka. Even the best shipyard couldn’t repair her, her back’s been broken. I’m sorry, but she’s no longer spaceworthy. You were lucky she didn’t shake apart on take off.” There, it was done.

“We can fix her.” There was a look of disbelief on her face. “Harper can put together a nanobot swarm to patch her skin up, and we can replace the plating, and I can figure some way to..”

Dylan shook his head gently. “Rommie and I explored those possibilities. Right now the only thing holding the ‘Maru together is attitude, and even if we did all we could, the best you could hope for is for her to move and maintain life support. Slipstream would rip her to pieces, and it wouldn’t survive even a micro-meteor impact. She’s a death trap. I’m sorry Beka, I know how much this ship means to you.”

Beks laughed weakly, and ran a hand over her hair. “No, Dylan, I don’t think you do. I grew up here, every important event in my life happened here. When I was five years old I broke a tooth on that railing playing chase with my brother. I’m up to my ass in debt from the repairs and docking fees, not to mention the money my Dad still owes on her. This ship is my life, Dylan.”

“I know that it won’t be the ‘Maru, but I’ll get you a new ship, one that doesn’t break down all the time. You don’t have to worry about the money Beka. The ‘Maru was lost in the service of the Commonwealth, it’s only fair that she be replaced.”

“The Eureka Maru is not lost.” She sprang to her feet, eyes on fire. “And I’ll find some way to fix it, with or without your help. Now get the hell off my ship!”

Dylan’s first instinct was to comfort her, to put his arms around the way he used to with Sarah, but he resisted it. He knew that she would never let him see her crying, knew that nothing he could say would make this go away or make Beka feel better. He decided on a strategic withdrawal, give her time; let her accept, then mourn. He backed out slowly, Beka just stood there, fists clenched, body shaking. As Dylan left the flight deck he could hear hysterical laughter, or crying, he wasn’t sure which.

*

Andromeda was becoming annoyed. A series of power fluctuations had been appearing at random, each time fragmenting her awareness across all her decks, doors opening and closing, lights flickering, the AG becoming erratic. She was having the AI equivalent of epilepsy, all her internal systems overloading and resetting, only to repeat the experience a few minutes later. She had successfully traced the problem to the power supply for her core functions, cause unknown but probably from an EM burst in her recent battle. Unfortunately her avatar was unable to enter the core in its present condition without incurring serious damage. She needed Harper in there.

She activated her hologram in hydroponics. Dylan was playing basketball solo again, a grim look on his face. He stood back and threw the ball, missing the hoop.

“Judging from your aim, you’ve told Captain Valentine. How is she taking the news?”

“Badly. Sometimes I hate this job.” He let the ball bounce, and stared off into space. “The ‘Maru was more than just a ship to her, it was like family.” He smiled at her hologram. “I know how she feels.”

Andromeda smiled at him, a sub-program that Dylan always seemed to trigger, no matter what. Then another power surge rippled across her main frame, glitching her hologram and flickering the lights again. Annoyance replaced the smile.

“Captain, this is becoming unbearable, these repeated surges are affecting my processors. With your permission I’m going to shut down my core AI, and switch all systems over to their emergency backup while Harper repairs the fault.”

Dylan considered this. They were in enemy territory, but hidden in a remote and un-patrolled area. “Permission granted. How long should it take?”

“More than an hour.” Andromeda looked distant for a moment as she located Harper. “Repairs should commence in five minutes.” Then she smiled, and the hologram vanished.

Dylan sat down in the middle of hydroponics, surrounded the smell of growing things. He always found it comforting there. They all had their favourite spot on the ship when they wanted to think. Tyr brooded on the observation deck, Harper hid in engineering… and Beka had the ‘Maru. Where would she go to now? He realised he had forgotten to tell her that Trance was gone. A sudden concern washed over him. Beka in her current state, all alone in medical. He might be doing her an injustice, but he couldn’t take the chance of leaving her alone with the medicine cabinet open. He sprang to his feet, and began to walk swiftly to where he hoped she wouldn’t be.

The main power cut out and switched over to the emergency systems as he reached the door of medical. All was dark and quiet inside.

“Beka? Are you there?” He stepped in. The room was only half lit, but he could see that two of Trance’s pretty glass medicine bottles had been smashed against the far wall, pale liquids dribbling onto the floor. A slight sound made him look down. Hiding in the shadows under the medical couch was Beka.

“Trance wasn’t here.” Her knees were pulled up to her chin, head slumped down and her face hidden by her hair. She was shaking, and rocking slowly back and forth.

Dylan knelt silently beside her, and gently pushed the hair away from her face. She looked terrible but her eyes were blue, not flash-white. He smiled. “I hadn’t got round to telling you. She’s had to go away for a while, but she said she’d be back as soon as she could.” He sat down next to her, his head bent to one side in the confined space. “I’m proud of you.”

Beka didn’t react, she just stared ahead. Dylan guessed that she might be in mild shock. He brushed the hair out of her eyes, she looked like she’d never slept. He put his arm around her and pulled her to him, bringing her to rest against his chest. She didn’t look at him, but her face started to work itself, like she might cry anytime. Beka pushed against him, trying to hide her face.

“Let it go.” Dylan rested his chin on her head, and held her closer.

“Big girls don’t cry.” She gave a small laugh that sounded more like a sob and pushed at him again, but not as hard.

“Especially not Beka Valentine.” Dylan rocked her, bumping his head, but not saying anything.

“Damn right.” She gave in and rested her head against him. “Dylan, I came so close…”

“But you didn’t take the flash, you were strong. And if this didn’t break you, nothing will.”

Beka looked up at him and smiled slightly. “You always say the right thing, you know that? Is that part of Highguard training, or just something you picked up?”

“It’s something I learned from Sarah.”

There was a long silence, Beka staring dry-eyed into space. Dylan was starting to feel uncomfortable, this was not ‘a professional distance’ from his crew. Now might be a good time to move. “I don’t know about you, but I could really do with a drink. Would you care to join me in the bar? I’ve got some three hundred year old Vedran brandy that I’ve managed to hide away. We could have a wake for the ‘Maru.”

“To the Eureka Maru, may she rest in peace.” She sighed. “She really is broken, isn’t she Dylan?” Beka rested her head against him again, trying to hide an escaped tear.

“Yes.” There was nothing else he could say.

They sat huddled under the couch for several long minutes, Beka shaking silently against him. Eventually she shifted slightly to face him. What was he supposed to do now? Dylan tightened his arms around her. It might be unwise for a Highguard Captain to get this close to his FO, but was he really Highguard any more? The old Commonwealth was three hundred years dead. Maybe he should be less distant…

She kissed him.

The kiss didn’t last long, a second or two, nothing epic. Dylan froze as their lips touched, and Beka instantly knew she’d made yet another mistake. If she didn’t fix this quick another of her friendships
would be screwed up.

“Thanks Dylan, I needed a hug. I could do with that drink now.” She wrinkled her nose and smiled at him. There, just friends, see?

“Sure.” Dylan opened his arms, and tried to stand up, giving his head a thump on the metal above him. He sat back down again. “Ouch.”

Beka slid out from beneath the couch and stood up. “Looks like you’ve been at the brandy already.” She helped him to his feet, another awkward situation avoided. Phew.

Dylan rubbed the back of his head. ” I thought I’d get a head start.”

Was that a joke? Maybe. She smiled to be on the safe side. “Are you sober enough to make it to the mess?”

“Funny.” Dylan straightened up, towering over her. He offered her his arm, with a smile. “Shall we?”

“Why not.” She accepted his arm, and as they walked out of medical she said. ” You know Dylan, they just don’t make ‘em like you any more.”

Ten minutes later and three brandies down, Beka was telling Dylan all about the shortcomings of the ‘Maru: the permanent fault with the plasma manifold, the bits that fell off in slipstream, and the time Harper had to steal her back when she’d been repossessed. Fond memories. Dylan leaned against the bar, apparently fascinated.

“So, you’re gonna get me a whole new ship? With a warranty and everything?” She waved her empty glass in the air. “Where are you going to get that kind of money?”

“I thought I’d try platinum mining, Guinevere.”

“Finally. I know your new Commonwealth has been paying our ordnance bills, but we need more capital. Oooh, I know what I want! One of those new Perseid haulers with the dual laser cannon and the shiny
hull plating.” Harper had promised her a shiny ship, and she was damn well going to have one.

“I was thinking more along the lines of a warship. Something small and heavily armed, and very fast. You can trade it in after the new Commonwealth is established.”

“Sure.” She’d be old by then. “As long as it’s shiny.” Beka pouted, mock petulant. Then an idea hit. “We could get a great deal from the shipyard on Sinti if we pay in platinum and don’t finance. Do you think we’d have some leftover cash for things like crew wages, pension plans and stuff? We’ve been working without pay for nearly two years. I know it’s not likely that I’ll live to draw a pension, but I want to be able to say that I have one.”

“We’ll see what we have left over. I’m trying to restore peaceful civilisation to the three galaxies, not run a mining business.” Dylan picked up the brandy bottle again.”One more?”

Beka took a moment to consider this. If she was sober enough to wonder if she’d drunk too much, she wasn’t drunk enough. “Yep.” She looked at her glass. ” You know, we really should be doing this on
the ‘Maru, it’s her wake.”

“An excellent idea, I knew there was a reason I picked you for my first officer.” He stood up, and caught Beka as she tottered sideways. “I’ll just help you, shall I?”

“Always the gentleman, Dylan.” He half supported her, the bottle in his spare hand. Beka was starting to feel warm and fuzzy inside, the pain and craving fading into the background at last. She giggled, Tyr definitely wouldn’t approve of this. Her drunk as a Vedran wine merchant, with Dylan’s arm round her. Yep, she felt a whole lot better now.

It took a little while to reach the Eureka Maru’s hangar, Beka had a little trouble with the ladders, and the suspiciously sober Dylan had to catch her when she half fell off the last one. But they got there in the end.

“She’s been a good ship, you know?” Beka was starting to feel sad again, but it was a less bitter kind of grief. “She’s had a good run, kept going for years. I don’t think there’s another model of her age still functioning. It’s the end of an era.”

Dylan manually cranked open the door. “The ‘Maru was…unique.”

Beka was silent, her mouth open. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing, an empty hangar. The ‘Maru was gone. It took Dylan a few seconds to notice, he was saying something about ship construction. Then he stopped in mid sentence.

Beka sat heavily on the floor, it was all so unreal. Dylan was trying to raise the others on the ship’s com, then on his sub-dermal communicator, but there was no answer. All the ship’s systems were off line, even the back ups.

“Damn it! Beka, do you know where Rommie and Tyr are?”

“Hmm? Rommie was in engineering bay two, the last time I saw her. I have no idea where Tyr is.” Oh no, please don’t be on the ‘Maru Tyr. Beka stood up, suddenly a lot more sober. “Where’s Harper?”

“The AI’s central core, doing repairs. Find him, Beka. See if he knows what’s going on, and get Andromeda on line again. I’ll be in command trying to raise the ‘Maru on the com.” Dylan pulled her to her feet. “And try not to fall off any more ladders.” Then he vanished.

Beka ran unsteadily, her head swimming from the brandy. Tyr was right about the universe throwing things at you when you were drunk and vulnerable. Tyr. Why would he have taken the ‘Maru out in her condition? Because he didn’t know, nobody had told him. She had to stop him before he entered slipstream, the ship would be torn apart around him. She should have told him. Somehow Beka managed to negotiate the ladders and doorways, and a few minutes later she was at the door of Andromeda’s main computer. Harper was in there. Harper could help.

Harper wasn’t fixing the AI. He was sitting with his eyes shut, listening to one of his audio’s on a portable player. The squeaks coming from the earpiece didn’t sound like music, and Harper had a look of sick anger on his face. He didn’t notice her.

“Harper, do you know where Tyr is?” Harper’s eyes snapped open. For a moment his face had the same expression that it’d had that time she’d caught him naked in the pilot’s chair. Then it faded into angry again.

“Why?”

Beka was surprised by the attitude. “The ‘Maru’s been taken, only Tyr could have done it. He doesn’t know how badly she’s damaged, he won’t survive slipstream. You have to get Andromeda back on line so we can
warn him.”

“Why should you care what happens to that animal?” Harper turned off the player and just sat there, making no move to help. He seemed geneuinely puzzled.

Beka was stunned. “Harper, how many times has he saved your life? And you’re just sitting there…” She stared at the engineer in disbelief. “Do something!”

“I already have, I took care of everything. Why would you want me to save him? I know what happened Beka. I heard ..” Harper’s anger broke through. “I heard him rape you! The security log on the ‘Maru recorded everything.”

For a moment her brain couldn’t process what he’d said. There was a security log? That was right, Dylan had said something about installing one ages ago, after he’d been abducted off the ‘Maru. She’d forgotten all about it. So Harper must have heard them together. How in hell did he get the idea that Tyr had raped her? And why had he been listening in the first place?

A second later she had him round the throat.”What have you done!” They crashed onto the deck, Beka on top. It took all she had not to kill him there and then.

Harper squeaked like a frightened mouse.”I was just, well, when I was repairing the ship I thought… I was.. making sure the recording equipment was working properly.” He winced as she thumped his head
onto the floor. Did he think she was that stupid? “It started playing on its own? OW. Okay, okay! I saw your underwear on the floor and I thought that the two of you had finally given in to your animal urges. I swear, I had no idea. When I got the log to play it only had a partial audio. I heard you screaming at him to stop. I’m so sorry Beka, if I’d just fixed the ‘Maru like I was supposed to..” He bit his lip, genuinely grief-stricken. ” It’s all my fault.”

Beka let go of his throat, and he lay frozen beneath her. He had heard her shouting at Tyr to stop. Okay, but that was only the beginning. Then the light dawned; only a partial recording. “What exactly did you hear Harper? And be very, very specific.”

“Something about the state of the ship, then you started screaming at him to stop, and that he was hurting you.” He sucked in his breath, like he was having trouble saying the words. “Then all I could hear was you screaming.” He paused again. “Then the power to the log cut out, when Rommie hailed you. I heard you crying in medical later, telling him to keep his hands off you.”

Oh. Beka could feel her cheeks turning crimson. She could see how if you only heard that bit it might seem as if… “It wasn’t rape  Harper.” She couldn’t say anymore.

“But you were screaming.”

“I was having an orgasm, you idiot. But then, I’d guess you wouldn’t know what that sounds like!” She shouted the last few words. Damn the little pervert. “What have you done Harper?”

Harper looked horrified. “I told Tyr that we needed a new plasma manifold, and ..”

“You sent him off in the ‘Maru.” Beka leapt to her feet. “Get Rommie on line now, we have to stop him before he reaches the slipstream entry point.” Tyr was going to die, spaced when the ‘Maru shattered around him.

“We can’t.” Harper looked helplessly at her. ” I sabotaged Rommie, the com won’t work. She’ll be in a diagnostic loop for the next hour. Someone’s going to have to go out in a slipfighter and get him.” He
thought for a moment. “We can do it. He left about twenty minutes ago, it’s forty to the nearest slipstream entrance.” He rolled onto his feet. “Come on!”

She could kill him later. The two of them sprinted through the half- lit ship towards the aft fighter bay. Beka felt sluggish and dizzy. She lurched as they finally made it into the bay, the brandy still in her system. Harper grabbed two EVA suits and opened the door to the nearest fighter. It was going to be close.

“You’ll have to open the outer doors with the manual override in the maintenance bay.” He slid into the pilot’s seat.

“Like hell I will! I’m going.”

“Sorry boss, but we don’t have time for this. You’ve been drinking, it has to be me” Harper was running through the pre-flight check.

“Drunk or sober I’m a better pilot than you’ll ever be.” Beka tried to grab him and pull him out, but he wriggled further into the fighter. The door slid down into place, locking her out. She smacked it with frustration.”Damn it Harper!” She took a second to calm down. “If you don’t come back with him alive, don’t come back.” She drew her force lance and pointed it at the slipfighter.

Harper couldn’t hear the words, but he understood the gesture. He nodded tersely, then pointed at the doors to the maintenance bay, there was no time to argue. She could roast him later. Beka ran into the bay, the door sealing behind her. A few moments later the emergency release bolts blew out, venting the air around the fighter, jarring it loose from its docking clamp. It was a bit wild for a second or two, but Harper managed to get control of the little ship, and shot out into space. He fumbled with the com. No need to panic, there was plenty of time. The big guy was fine, they’d cut it closer than this dozens of times. Seamus Harper to the rescue. It was all going to be fine.

Beka slumped onto the deck in the maintenance bay and threw up, the brandy and the stress finally winning. She curled up in a corner. If only she hadn’t drunk all that brandy. If only Harper wasn’t a nosy
little pervert with a vengeful streak. If only she had told him…

Tears were starting to sneak their way out of her eyes. What if he died? She started to feel sick again. Don’t be stupid, Tyr’s indestructible. Him, Dylan, and the cockroaches. But what if Harper was too late? He’d be gone, and she’d never be able to tell him that it had meant something to her too. He’d be dead with nothing but memories left behind. No little piece of immortality for Tyr Anasazi, no children. Not even mongrel ones. This was stupid, he was going to be fine. He always was.

And what about Harper? Well, to be fair Tyr hadn’t been sure if he’d hurt her the first time, so she could see that it might be easy to misunderstand if you’d only heard her screaming. And he had really only been trying to protect her. But if Harper hadn’t being trying to get some sick kick out of seeing Tyr screwing her this would never have happened. It also made Beka wonder what the engineer had stashed in his quarters. This time Harper had gone too far to forgive. She was personally going to tear him a new one if, when he got back.

Time dragged on. How long had Harper been gone? Beka checked the time on the panel above her. Twenty minutes. The message from the fighter would take fifteen minutes to reach the ‘Maru, which would put the
Tyr ten minutes from the slipstream entry point. Time to spare, thank the divine that the ‘Maru couldn’t go too fast right now. Say another thirty five minutes before anyone got back.

Thirty minutes. Any time now. Any minute.

Forty minutes. Still no real reason to worry, the engines could have died on the ‘Maru. Any number of minor problems could be holding them up. That time when Tyr’s wife had died they’d spent five days looking
before they had found him.

Fifty minutes. The lights suddenly came back on to full, and there was power humming through all the ships systems. Rommies diagnostic cycle must have ended.

Sixty minutes. Still nothing.

The Toy town strangler.

A warped Mr Men story. I’m sick of reading them to my kids. This is just so wrong of me.

Mr Clever sighed and snapped shut his note book. Of course, it had been Mr Nosey, the local peeping Tom, who’d discovered the body. Fishnet stockings ripped, her body a darker shade of purple with her tongue lolling out. There was a thick band of darkness around her middle, showing where the pressure had been exerted. It wasn’t going to take an autopsy to tell him that she’d been strangled. He was after all, Mr Clever, which was why he was landed with the job of the local policeman whenever anything went wrong.

‘She was asking for it, if you ask me’. Muttered Mr Mean, looking over the hedge. ‘She had Mr Men round here all hours of the day and night. Earned the name ‘little miss naughty’, I’m telling you’.

Mr Strong was sobbing on the tiled doorstep, his red square shoulders heaving up and down. He’d been her pimp for the past two years. Judging by his short arms, he could never have managed to strangle the rapidly cooling Little miss Naughty. And it wouldn’t have been his style… pummeling her face into a bloody pulp every few weeks was more his style. Fortunately for her, bruises had never showed up well on her purple skin, so business hadn’t suffered. No, if it had been Mr Strong there would have been a lot more damage to the corpse.

Of course, Mr Mean was a suspect as he’d ducked out without paying a few weeks ago without paying, and Strong had taken it out of his hide. But again, the stumpy little arms, and he probably didn’t have the strength…

So who could it have been?

Well, Mr Grumble was prone to fits of rage, and he was the local pornographer… But still, Miss Naughty had been the star in all his grumble ‘flicks’, as none of the other little misses would perform in front of a camera. It would have been like killing the goose that laid the lucrative eggs.

Mr Nosey, who’d found the body, was just a voyeur, and apparently easily satisfied with ladies underwear. He also lacked the temperament. Mr Muddle would probably have tried strangling her foot, and Mr Impossible never went near anyone male or female due to persistant impotence. And since the victim had been given a good seeing to just after her death, that ruled him out.

Mr Lazy always called for home visits, and Mr Bump wouldn’t be doing anything intimate for the next year after that incident with Mr Clumsy, Mr Perfect and the vacuum cleaner attachment. That also ruled them out on the grounds of ‘lack of interest in little misses’.

Mr Fussy and Mr Uppity wouldn’t have touched the poor miss with Mr Tall’s ten foot pole, and there was no sign of the feathers and jelly babies from Mr Silly’s ‘ fun-time play wear’. Mr Small and Mr Skinny just wouldn’t have had the strength, several others too.

He always wondered what Mr Jelly got up to in there though. Twice a week, regular as clockwork. Not that it would have been physically possible.. No, some things even Mr Clever’s mind just shied away from.

Then the light dawned. of course, only one Mr Man was really capable of the deed. The local groper, Mr Tickle. Well known for snaking his arms into the little misses’ bedrooms during the night for a quick feel, the pretending he was tickling them if they woke up. He got caught out a good one last time when little Miss Sunshine had woken up and frozen stiff while his hands had been sliding around her person. He’d done a two year stretch for that, and had only been released two weeks ago. Had he finally snapped? He had a pretty rough time inside, Mr Rush (jailed for causing death due to dangerous driving) had  apparently been sodomizing him senseless most nights, and the other inmates of the tiny jail, Mr Mischief and Mr Cheerful hadn’t been any different. Funny thing about old Mr Cheerful, he’d never have believed it if he hadn’t seen the photographs when they busted him. Kittens. Mr Clever shuddered.

Time to gather up the rest of the force, Mr Noisy and Mr Busy. Time to arrest a murderer.

Don’t blame me. Mr Invicta had the idea for this story when he was eleven.

Murder, she committed.

Just a very short story

She laughed, a demented cackle from her ageing lips. They never worked it out. Just how stupid could the police be? Over and over again she had murdered. Clubbing victims over the head with trophies, shooting them, complex binary poisons, you name it, she’d killed with it. And got away with it. She even wrote it down in books, pointed the police toward clues in an attempt to relieve the ennui. But, every time she had successfully pinned it on some sap, confusing many of them to the point that they confessed. You think that some statistician might have pointed out that it was impossible for one kindly old lady to have been at so many deaths without there being some kind of causal factor or link. But no. Now it was just getting boring.

Well, she had to do something to amuse herself. Sex at her age was unlikely, and Frank had been the only man deviant enough to satisfy her physically. Lately she’d taken to tormenting her dying victims by telling exactly which of their loved ones she was going to stitch up for their death. And the cash she’d made from writing about her little hobby… Maybe just a few more times.

That left her with more writing of course, she couldn’t leave her genius undocumented. She patted the latest ream of typed paper beside her. Just a few more chapters to add, to what would be, after her death of course, a huge bestseller.

Murder, She Committed. By J.B. Fletcher.

There is no such thing as a romantic blowjob

Being ‘up on blocks’ this week, I decided to be nice to poor Mr Invicta before his head exploded. So, being who I am, I said, ‘right lets get too it’ (or words to that effect, too smutty too for the world to read). I might have said ‘whip it out’, I might not have.

His response was.. where’s the romance?

Which made me pause for a second. Is there such a thing as a romantic blow job? I think back to all the trashy romance novels I’ve read, and I don’t recall anything along the lines of ‘Clarissa seized his throbbing manhood and swallowed his enflamed sword to the hilt.’ Lot’s of heaving bosoms. Although, to be fair, that is part of my repertoire-I’m well equipped in the bosom area. The occasional dramatically rent nightdress, and being swept away by a wave of desire; but a cock in the mouth isn’t exactly Barbara Cartland.

By it’s nature, oral sex is kind of cheap and nasty. I always thought that was kind of the point myself. Maybe it’s just my warped perspective on interpersonal relationships. Generally it’s a service reserved for when I’m otherwise unavailable, or as a prelude to other things. Fun things, that have an orbital outcome for me.

It is something you get better at as you age. Unfortunately I have a rather tiny mouth, and keep catching the overly endowed Mr Invicta with my teeth.  It would help if he weren’t hung like Mr Ed. The things I have to put up with!

I have a fun new description from the new ‘Profanisaurus’. One of our friends is calling his wife this. Descibes her to a T.

A ‘Millenium Falcon’ (of an ugly/scary woman)

               – You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.

So..here’s where I shall be posting my fiction..

On a totally different account where it can’t be connected to my other serious blogs…

I shall be test running short stories and fanfiction here. It will be a little risque… possibly even pornographic at times, so I don’t want it connected to the serious science stuff I’m involved with.